The Bridge

Holy moly guacamole. Haven't written for over a year which meant the blog missed one whole "major" part of my life - 16 months of working in retail a.k.a. 16 months of my soul slowly getting sucked out of me but more on that later. Finally had enough; took a huge leap of faith 2 weeks ago by handing in my resignation and had my last day on the checkout last week.

This week was all about the change. Started by signing up to the gym to get my sweat on. Of all the things in the gym that I've tried so far in this past 4 days (yoga, zumba, and treadmill), yoga has got to be the one that is threatening to break me the quickest. Could already feel the urge to throw in the towel after 2 measly classes. Who would've thought that yoga could be so darn challenging though I do suppose no one ever posts all the pose fails on Facebook. All I ever see (and they do make it look so easy) is:

Easy peasy lemon squeezy

And here I am trying to hold my downward dog position without my arms giving out on me...

Having not have done regular exercise in the past 8 years, I'm now finding it extremely difficult doing the simplest things. Oh the shame. Here's the kicker: in yesterday's class, towards the end the yogi asked us to do the bridge.

The bridge

Surprise, surprise...couldn't do it. Now, I very distinctively remember on 2 separate occasions when this has happened. Once (the first time) when I was 6 during PE class we were told to do this and I was one of the kids that couldn't. Another time when I was 8 and had just started Tae Kwon Do classes...we did this as part of the warm up exercises. Still couldn't do it. I remember going home that night and building a pillow fort in front of the telly and trying my very best to pick myself up. Tried, tried, tried and failed. My weak arms just couldn't support the weight my body. Until finally I did it! And for a long time I could do it. It became easy, effortless. I could even do it starting on one hand and slowly lowering the other arm down. 

I suppose the point of all this was simply to remind myself that there was once a point in my life when I couldn't do something but I managed to do it in the end even though it was so. darn. hard. It's exactly like that now. There really is no difference between my inability to do the bridge then and now except I'm much older (and bigger). 

Never give up. Never surrender. 

The Licence

After 4 years in Australia, on 29 January 2014, I finally got my Australian driving licence (Class C - manual). Woohoo! I admit I dreaded the thought of having to sit for another practical driving test (had my Malaysian driving licence since 2008 but needed to "convert" it since I'm here now) but as I neared the end of my degree, so did my reasons of putting it off.

So that I never forget it, the official process:

12/11/13 (Tue) - Theory test ($18.50)

29/01/14 (Wed) - Practical test ($70.80)

And everything in between:

Reason why my practical test was more than 2 months from the theory was because I waited to call and booked the test after my final exams at the end of 2013 and the first available date was on the 29th. I wanted to take a couple of lessons with a driving instructor just so I know what will be tested (definitely different from the Malaysian driving test that I took all those years ago). Ended up taking 3 lessons and spending $180 ($60/hour). I don't know if I really needed that many lessons as I could already drive but the instructor was less than pleasant in his own ways. A subtle manipulator that tried to imply that unless I took a certain amount of lessons with him (no less than 5), I would fail the test. Now, what kind of teacher is that?! Rolled with it for 3 sessions just so I got things down pat. By the end of it I told him I couldn't afford any more lessons (which was true anyway but mainly because I couldn't stand his insistent forcing).  

Fast forward to days leading up to the test:

Don't have a car of my own so had to go hire one (another difference from the driving test in Malaysia where everyone drives the same car provided by the test centres). Silly ol' me didn't think that you actually need to book cars from rental places (don't tourists walk in all the time?) but apparently you do. I'm sure they take walk-ins but it's a tad cheaper if you book and booking ensures you get the exact car that you want (I specifically wanted a compact manual car). 

Booked the car online on the weekend before the test (which also turned out to be the Australia Day weekend i.e. a three-day weekend) from a rental place near home. Everything seemed fine online though I couldn't call beforehand to reconfirm anything because of Australia Day on Monday (26 January) and everything was shut. That left me to get the car on Tuesday, the day before my test.

Got a confirmation email on Tuesday morning asking if I still wanted the car. Replied "yes" and went to pick it up in the afternoon. Got to the rental place and just as I was about to pay the lady says, "You're not going to use the car for a driving test are you?" Told her I was and she said she can't rent the car to me. Say what now? Nothing in their terms and conditions stated anything of the sort (I think I've been watching too many Boston Legal in the past month that I wanted Alan Shore to come argue my case). Asked her why the hell not (in a polite, less colourful language) and she said, "You can't take your test on hired cars. Only using your own car or a friend's providing you have a letter from your friend saying that they agree to lend you their car." I know this wasn't true but suddenly I was doubting my entire existence (alright, not my entire existence) and started having a minor internal panic attack (this was the day before my test). Plastered on a big smile and stepped out to call the Department of Transport. DoT said they don't care what car you come in with as long as it's road worthy. Went back in to the rental place and said I cleared it with the DoT but the woman still won't rent me the car. 

Now what? I can't very well take a car driving test without a car. Called my sister who said to hire from the airport. Called the rental company at the airport and sorted out all the bookings and she assured me that they had the car I need at Perth International Airport. Needed a ride (airport is a fair distance away from home) and sister only got off work at 7 pm. Reached the airport around 8.30 pm, went up to the car rental counter (Thrifty), paid, and got the keys. Sister drove back home and I went to my newly rented car. What a relief. Got the car I needed. Right? Right?! Wrong! Turns out they gave me an automatic car when I specifically requested for a manual. Went back to the Thrifty counter and get this, she said Thrifty is in the process of withdrawing all their manual cars (I guess automatics are more popular). WHAT?! I was blatantly lied to by the person on the phone. Shame, shame on you.

There were a few other car rental companies at the international airport so I started asking around - Europcar didn't have any available cars, Hertz was going to cost me $133/day (Thrifty was only ~$80/90), another (can't remember which one now) said for me to go to the domestic airport where all the rental companies kept most of their cars since the parking space there is bigger so I'll have better luck there. Didn't have any other choice so I took the free shuttle from the international to domestic airport and walked up to Avis. 

Bless their soul, they have the car I needed. A compact manual car...a silver Nissan Micra. It costs $131/day (including insurance) but only because I'm under 25...would've cost ~$90 otherwise. Pricier than I would've liked but I really didn't care at this point. Double, triple checked with the man behind counter that it was a MANUAL and he assured me it was. As I was about to pay for it, another problem arose: they only accept Visa/MasterCard and I don't bloody have one. Sigh. When will this day end. Like a little kid, I had to call my sister so that I could use her card and she was forced to drive back out right after she reached home. Needless to say, she was not happy. Some 30 minutes later sister arrived with the card and sorted everything out. She drove back home and I went to my newly rented car. Got in the car and saw it was an automatic car. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown and start bawling right in the middle of the parking lot. Gathered up my wits and marched back to Avis and asked them what happened and he gave me a nervous chuckle and said that he gave me the wrong key. I'm definitely not laughing at this point. He gave me the right key and I finally, FINALLY got the car. I have to say though, comparing with all the other car rental companies I had to deal with up to this point, Avis was the most pleasant one so thank you, Avis. May your business eternally prosper.

Silver Nissan Micra which I used for my driving test

My driving test was booked for 8.45 on Wednesday morning. Was up bright and early to do a once over on the car in broad daylight and was out of the house by 7.30 (though the test centre is only 10 minutes from the house) to practice my reverse parking (not a parking style I always do though I much prefer it to parallel parking). At 8.45 am, the driving officer (is that the right title? "The tester" if you may), Ken called my name and we were off. He was really nice, not scary at all. Things I had to do for the test:

1. drive around (quite obviously) where he told me to

2. do an activity called "left something behind" (around a housing area) - basically what this entails is you start in front of a house, drive, and the tester will ask you to turn around because you "left something behind". You then have to pull up on any driveway and do a u-turn back to your starting point
3. reverse park
4. forward park
Test lasted around 30 minutes. When we got back to the test centre, waited for my tester to tally up my points and...I PASSED (with flying colours I might add)!

It was all worth it in the end. About $525 poorer (including a fee of $125 for a 5-year licence) but I need not worry about sitting for another car driving test ever again. So darn relief.

The last chair

When I was in Year 6, my school called in a motivational speaker to speak to the students before our big end-of-primary-school exam (the first out of the three major exams a Malaysian student takes in his/her primary + high school life).

All the Year 6 students were seated in rows of 20 in the hall and in the middle of the session, the speaker (lets call him Tim) called out our head prefect to stand beside him. Tim then said that he wants to do an activity with us. He said for everyone to stand up and form a circle around the hall and we were to bring our chairs with us. 

So, the 300 or so of us stood up and carried/dragged our chairs into a circle around the hall. The only remaining chair in the middle of the hall was the head prefect's chair as she was still standing beside Tim.

Tim then said, "Alright, everyone bring your chairs back and sit in the rows as you were before."

So, the 300 or so of us carried/dragged our chairs back and arranged them into the original rows and sat down. 

Again, Tim asked us to form a circle around the hall, bringing our chairs with us. 

And again, the 300 or so of us stood up and carried/dragged our chairs into a circle around the hall and the only remaining chair in the middle of the hall was the head prefect's chair as she was still standing beside Tim. 

Tim then said, "Alright, everyone bring your chairs back and sit in the rows as you were before."

So, the 300 or so of us carried/dragged our chairs back and arranged them into the original rows and sat down. 

And what do you know? Tim again said, "Everyone, form a circle around the hall and bring your chairs with you."

We did as we were told and formed a circle as before with our chairs and only the head prefect's chair remains alone in the middle of the hall.

As we were standing in the circle wondering what was the point of this pointless exercise, a classmate of mine suddenly ran to the middle of the hall and carried the head prefect's chair into the circle. 

And THAT was what Tim was waiting for.

It was a rather creative, clever exercise to get us moving about in the midst of a long session and at the same time teach us something. What Tim was really trying to say was for us to never leave anyone behind and to always help each other. That was the moral of the exercise: no one gets left behind.

Here I am, 11 years later and still the memory of that day nestles in my mind and I find myself thinking about the lesson of "no one gets left behind" - not in the hall on that day, not in a class when we learn, not in an exam when we study, not in a battle, not in the war, not anywhere, not ever.

A friend for life

Everlasting Love

- Carl Carlton

Found myself wondering why I've always been so fascinated with “being married”. Finally today, the blindingly obvious answer came to me. In an idealistic world (because I know not every marriage turns out so) and what I would wish for myself, being married is like having a friend for life, forever there by your side; a companion to share the world with; a partner in crime; a constant soothing presence when life throws you in a ditch. And that’s more than anyone could ever hope for.

The "right answer"

As the rejection letters pour in, I am forced to contemplate on all the things that has gone wrong and how much better I can tailor my answers to suit what they're looking for. The thing about interview-like questions in applications is: how much different can one answer be from another? I appreciate the possible reasons to why companies resort in asking such questions (weed out the nasties) but in all honesty, if you've already taken that much effort in applying, no one would dare answer the questions in any degree of badness, not intentionally anyway. 

Recently, I had to complete a psychometric test that took a few hours. I remember reading at the start, "Answer the questions honestly as there are no right answers. The test is designed to help us better understand the applicants" (or something along that line). So it said that there are no right answers..."no right answers". Is that really the case though? If by some off chance that whatever you answered deemed you to be a complete lunatic or perhaps even a sloth-like human that's not too bright, then I do suppose that there were indeed right answers that they were looking for. 

What will it take for someone to give you that one small chance that you're looking for, for someone to give you the much awaited, "Yes"?

Married life

Earlier this year, two of my college friends got married to guys from the same college. I just realised it's been four years since I left college and started life in university, four years since I last saw them.

A few months later, since first hearing news of their wedding, I still think about my two married friends and my memories of them from college.

A memory that sticks out is of me and one of the two girls who I knew from living on the same floor at our college dorm. She's such a lovely, friendly person. She ended up marrying the guy she was dating when we were still in college so unless I'm mistaken, they've been together for a little over 4 years now! There's a little whimsical charm in knowing that you married your college sweetheart. The memory that I have of her directly relating to the guy she married was a conversation we had late one night. We were in a neighbour's room, just the two of us (though now that I think about it, I've no idea why we ended up there). We were sitting on the floor, chatting the night away. She was texting her boyfriend and I remember asking her if she ever thought of marrying him and she answered, though they've just started going out, they've talked about it and if it's fated she would like to. Four years later, they tied the knot. Things you tend to remember at times like these.

Married life. If I'm really honest, though I'm really happy for them, I envy my two college friends a tad bit. The times we live in now, there's a stigma (is that the right word?) of getting married and people are doing it much later in their lives. Most of our lives are so pre-determined: go to school, go to college, go to university, get a job, and finally when everything's settled, perhaps get married. I envy those that get the choice when many others are tied to responsibilities. I often wonder what having the choice would feel like. We never know what tomorrow brings but if it was up to you, what would you like it to be?

The Impossible Choice

Have you ever loved someone more than anything in this world, more than life itself?

Someone once told me a story from a movie. Neither I nor said person remembers what the movie is called now. It goes like this -

Setting: India

Plot (the actual plot is a tad different but the gist of it is this): There was an Indian man (lets name him Khan) and an English woman (lets name her Jane). If I'm remembering correctly, it was during the war. Khan was to help Jane get out of India and back to England (I think she was initially there to teach English but the war was so bad she had to go back to her home country). So now they're on this perilous journey across India, dodging the baddies that are out to kill them and trying to reach the ship that will bring Jane back to England. Lo' and behold, in the end Khan and Jane falls in love.

Plot twist: How wonderful that the main characters fall in love, oh so sweet! But then...BUT THEN...they reach the ship and Jane says to Khan, "Come back to England with me. We can start a new life there and live happily ever after." To which Khan replies, "I'm sorry darling, I love you but I can't. My life is here, my family is here. I can't leave my responsibilities." With that, Jane leaves for England and Khan stays in India. They never meet again.

The ending: Many, many, many years later, Jane, who is widowed with grandchildren returns to India. She's very old now. She returns to India to look for Khan because despite their years apart, Khan has always been her one true love. She finds Khan's wife (lets name her Fatima) and discovers that Khan has died a few years before. Fatima tells Jane that even though Khan was a good husband, Jane has always been his one true love.

This story has haunted me since I first heard it a couple months ago. Why is it never fair and why must it always be so difficult when so many have it easy? When you make the choices that you do for the reasons that you must, who are you making them for? 

Alas, the path is still enveloped in a thick foggy mist to which I see no end.

One thing about the sweetest, nicest memories that I have and was fortunate enough to experience is that memories fade and one day, I worry that I'll wake up and it would've all just been a dream. What is real?

How can I ever forget

The sun that shines so bright

The warm glow that lits my path

An everlasting light