Gotta love 'em Canadians

This is an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.

The radio conversation was released by the chief of naval operations on 10/10/95.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Small town lawyer

Joe grew up in a small town. He then moved away to attend college and law school. Upon finishing, he decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. 

He opened his new law office but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking.

"No, absolutely not! You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million."

"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support."

"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."

This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. 

"I'm sorry for the delay but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"

The man replied, "I'm from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone."

Moral of the story: Before going ahead in a scheme to deceive, make sure you have all the details down pat - like making sure the phone has a dial tone before proceeding to pretend to have a conversation with a non-existing person.

The key to a good lie lies in the details

Four friends have been doing really well in their calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it’s time for the finals, they decide not to study on the weekend before but to drive to another friend’s birthday party in another city even though the exam is scheduled for Monday morning. As it happens, they drank too much at the party and on Monday morning they are all hung over and they overslept. When they finally arrive on campus, the exam is already over. They go to the professor’s office and offer him an explanation: “We went to our friend’s birthday party and when we were driving back home very early on Monday morning we suddenly had a flat tire. We had no spare one and since we were driving on back roads it took hours until we got help.” The professor nods sympathetically and says, “I see that it was not your fault. I will allow you to make up for the missed exam tomorrow morning.”

When they arrive early on Tuesday morning, the students are put by the professor in a large lecture hall and are seated so far apart from each other that even if they tried they had no chance to cheat. The exam booklets are already in place and confidently, the students start writing. The first question (5 points out of 100) is a simple exercise in integration and all four finish it within ten minutes. When the first of them has completed the problem, he turns over the page of the exam booklet and reads on the next one - Question 2 (95 points out of 100): Which tire went flat?

Moral of the story: Before telling a lie, make sure you have all the details down pat. 

"...devise a scenario that plausibly explains my absence, keeping in mind that the key to a good lie lies in the details." (Sheldon Cooper)

Curiouser and curiouser

You know what I find odd?

Integers that leave a remainder of 1 when divided by 2.