The Big Bang Theory (Season 1)

Episode 1 – Pilot

Sheldon’s spot

Sheldon: Penny, that’s where I sit.

Penny: You could sit next to me.

Sheldon: No, I sit there.

Penny: What’s the difference?

Sheldon: What’s the difference? In the winter, that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer, it’s directly in the path of a cross breeze created by opening windows there and there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct thus discouraging conversation nor so far wide as to create a parallax distortion. I can go on but I think I’ve made my point.

Horoscopes

Leonard: That’s probably enough about us. Tell us about you.

Penny: Um me? Ok. I’m a Sagittarius which probably tells you way more than you need to know.

Sheldon: Yes. It tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun’s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.

Penny: Participate in what?

Leonard: I think what Sheldon’s trying to say is that Sagittarius wouldn’t have been our first guess.

Penny: Oh yeah. A lot of people think I’m a water sign.

Light paradox

Penny: You wanna know the most pathetic part? Even though I hate his lying, cheating guts, I still love him. Is that crazy?

Sheldon: Yes.

Leonard: No, it’s not crazy. It’s a…a…it’s a paradox. Paradoxes are part of nature. Think about light. Now if you look at Huygens’ light is a wave as confirmed by the double slit experiment. But then along comes Albert Einstein and discovers that light behaves like particles too.

Episode 2 – The Big Bran Hypothesis

Superman

Penny: You know, I do like the one where Lois Lane falls from the helicopter and Superman swooshes down and catches her.

Sheldon: You realize that scene was rife with scientific inaccuracy.

Penny: Yes, I know man can’t fly.

Sheldon: No, no. Let’s assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32 feet per second per second. Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out 2 arms of steel. Miss Lane who is now travelling approximately a hundred and twenty miles an hour hits them and is immediately sliced into 3 equal pieces.

Leonard: Unless Superman matches her speed and decelerates.

Sheldon: In what space, sir? In what space? She’s 2 feet above the ground. Frankly if he really loved her, he let her hit the pavement. It’ll be a more merciful death.

Low register

Leonard: Sheldon, we have to get out of here!

*Penny snores*

Sheldon: You might want to speak in a lower register.

Leonard: What?

Sheldon: Evolution has made women sensitive to high pitch noises while they sleep so that they’ll be roused by a crying baby. If you want to avoid waking her, speak in a lower register.

Episode 4 – The Luminous Fish Effect

When 1 door closes

Penny: Maybe it’s all for the best. You know, I always say when one door closes, another one opens.

Sheldon: No it doesn’t. Not unless the two doors are connected by relays or there are motion sensors involved. Or the first door closing creates a change in air pressure that acts upon the second door.

Magic chicken

[to Raj]

Mary: Now, I made chicken for dinner. I hope that isn't one of the animals that y'all people think is magic.

Episode 8 – The Grasshopper Effect

Repetition

Penny: I need to practice mixing drinks.

Leonard: Oh, great! The key to acquiring proficiency in any task is repetition.

Sheldon: With certain obvious exceptions. Suicide for example.

Episode 16 – The Peanut Reaction

Threesome

Penny: Ok, here’s the deal. We are gonna throw Leonard a kick ass surprise party for his birthday on Saturday.

Sheldon: I hardly think so. Leonard made it very clear he doesn’t want a party.

Penny: He just doesn’t know he wants one because he’s never had one.

Howard: I suppose that’s possible but for the record I’ve never had a threesome and yet I still know I want one.

Penny: Howard, here’s the difference. The possibility exists that Leonard could have a birthday party before hell freezes over.

Howard: Fine. If I do have a threesome you can’t be part of it. I’m just kidding. Yes, you can. Can you bring a friend?

Presents

Penny: Sheldon, I didn’t see your present.

Sheldon: That’s because I didn’t bring one.

Penny: Why not?

Sheldon: The entire institution of gift giving makes no sense. Let’s say that I go out and I spend 50 dollars on you. It’s a laborious activity because I have to imagine what you need whereas you know what you need. I could simplify things, just give you the 50 dollars directly and you could give me 50 dollars on my birthday and so on until one of us dies leaving the other one old and 50 dollars richer. And I ask you, is it worth it?

 Episode 17 – The Tangerine Factor

Schrödinger's cat

Sheldon: In 1935, Erwin Schrödinger in attempt to explain the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum physics, he proposed an experiment where a cat is placed in a box with a sealed vile of poison that’ll break open at a random time. Now, since no one knows when or if the poison is being released, until the box is opened the cat can be thought of as both alive and dead.

Penny: I’m sorry I don’t get the point.

Sheldon: Well of course you don’t get it. I haven’t made it yet. You have to be psychic to get it and there’s no such thing as psychic.

Penny: Sheldon! What’s the point?

Sheldon: Just like Schrödinger's cat your potential relationship with Leonard right now can be thought of as both good and bad. It is only by opening the box that you’ll find out which it is.