It's Do or Die

What do you do when you've given your best but your best is still not enough? When you've fought with all you had but still lost the fight? When you've died fighting but still willed on to live? When you've given it your all till you've nothing left but the war still rages on and you're stuck in the middle. You're holding your loaded guns but you can't aim properly anymore. That's when the light seems dim and the world goes dark but you're still groping your way through. When hope seems bleak, you battle on. Not because you want to but only because YOU HAVE TO. THERE IS NO CHOICE. At times like these...You do or you die.

The A-level battle continues...full speed...merciless...I've lost this fight. I've lost this battle. I've lost this round. But I WON'T lose the war! 15! And may the spirit never waver!

The cursed 14 instead of the 'magic' 15

Feels like I haven't written in here ages!!! But it really wasn't that long ago. So much has happened since...so many things I've wanted to write but never had the time. Biggest news I suppose is my great failure of 14 points during my Advanced Subsidiary Examinations. Got an A for Physics and Mathematics but a B for Chemistry. Don't think I took it too well. Had half the college and most of the lecturers encouraging me to move forward with my head held high and get my spirit soaring again. But I really didn't feel like moving at all, let alone forward. (I want to take this opportunity to say, "Thank you, Lynn for buying me food when I was not eating and feeling helplessly useless and unmotivated and for spiriting me on!") Only after talking to my greatest inspiration my spirit came back and here I am fighting on...full blast! Thank you, dad, my number 1 motivator and greatest inspiration!

Thank you also to every single one who help me make it through when hope seems bleak:

1. mum, for always having faith in me and always encouraging me on

2. my roommates, who bared with me when I was like a black hole; lifeless, turning our room into a miserable vibe (or maybe just anything within 3 feet radius...I wasn't really that big of a black hole, was I?), and radiating bad karma all around

3. lecturers, who watched after me like a hawk every single day and pep talked me with endless encouraging words till I got better

4. friends, who never tire of asking how I was doing and showing genuine and sincere concern even when you have your own things to worry about

I am now content with my 14, knowing that even though I wasn't good enough during my AS Chemistry, having earned that B, like my dad said, perhaps it was a blessing in disguise in some ways. I wasn't good enough and had I gotten an A, I would've deliriously thought that perhaps I really have mastered the subject.

Working SO hard and giving it everything I had and I still got a B. That's what discourages me the most. If I've already given everything I had, how do I move on? Whatever it is...the battle continues!