Looking For You

"We're just pieces on a chess board, imposed into structure,

In a battle of the minds as we're holding each other,

Sacrificing pieces for advantage in position,

It's an accurate decision, played with damaging precision,

Just A CELESTIAL INSIGHT, a topological funfair,

It's a party of energy, and psychological warfare..."

- Looking For You (Age-D)

It's been exactly 50 days since I last wrote and boy, has it been a super eventful 50 days. True to my prediction at the beginning of the summer holidays that it was going to be LEGENDARY, it indeed has been!

In the past 50 days, I've lived to see 2011 (lived through 20 days since then, today being the 20th of January), been to and seen more places in Perth than I've seen in a year (which includes Hillarys Boat Harbour, Kings Park, Point Walter, numerous suburbs I've never even heard off before summer started), found that a meant-to-be relationship can be as easy as breathing after all, celebrated my first Christmas with the loveliest bunch of people I've ever met, celebrated my first new year with my best friend, someone I will spend the rest of my life with, had an infinite amount of firsts which includes first time knowing what countless novels meant when they say finding your other half and feel the world come to a standstill, first time getting my blog post title (A Celestial Insight) mentioned in a song, first time having a song written about me, first drive (not that I was driving) to the northern suburbs of Perth (living in a suburb on the southern side of the river meant I only ever traveled between the south side to uni and back for most of the year), first trip to an Australian beach (and numerous beaches after that), first time (ever) getting to lie on the grass and watch the stars like how I've always wanted all my life, first live outdoor and indoor soccer game, first Cold Rock ice-cream, first Icey Ice, first haircut in Australia...among countless others. 

Almost all of my firsts in the past 50 days (most of my past 50 days really, not necessarily just the firsts) has been with someone I now treasure and value more than anything, more than the universe itself. Someone I can't now imagine even for a second my life without. Someone that whispered to me that I am not just another chapter in his book, I am the rest of the chapters. Someone that I know I can trust with my life. Someone I would dodge a bullet for. Someone that when I say, "I love you" I know I mean it in the most humanly way possible, with every fibre in my body. Someone that first and foremost is my bestest friend and since then has become so much more. You are my life now, my everything.

Only 3 months ago I wrote the post on "The discarded girl and happy endings" and how I scoffed at the thought of the "fairy tale" we always had in our minds will always remain a fairy tale, on how of course everyone hopes life sorts itself out/karma will grant you your share/the circle will end up in a nice loop not thinking it actually would. Then the 6th of December (2010) happened and I know now that there is such things as happy endings, you can live through your fairy tale, life can sort itself out/karma can grant you your share/the circle can end up in a nice loop. If you're truly meant to be, if he (or she) really is your soulmate, if you're blessed enough to go through one lifetime getting to find that one person (because heaven knows how difficult that can be), then it really should be as easy as breathing. I know that now. Blessed enough to know that.

Angel, there are not enough words in the English language to describe how much how much you mean to me. What you are, what we have, what I feel for you will always be more than words can ever describe. The promise of forever will always hold true.

"Walking through reality, looking it through,

and who knew, that I was really looking for you,

but instead I found you in the middle of a daydream,

so I decided to stay there, without a chance of escaping."

- Looking For You (Age-D)

The 20 questions game

During my recent 6 days trip to Melbourne (24-29th November 2010) with Sheena and Ben for the Engineers Without Borders National Conference: Impact 2010, we started a game of 20 questions on our 2nd day there though we only got to question 14 by the end of the trip. I'm going to put down some of the more memorable (or the ones I remember really- it was only the day before but I've forgotten some already!) questions and answers.

Question 1

Sheena: Describe your perfect day.

Ah, an age old question! Though for a LONG time (all my life really) my answer has been lounge on the couch and read a good book, I found myself answering...

Me: A day out (or in) with my best friend.

Sheena:Who is...?

Me: Adrian.

Sheena: Because...?

Hmmm...would this have counted as 3 questions then? :D

Me: Among other (million) things I could sit down and talk to him for ages *beam!*.

Got "knowing" smiles from them for the rest of the trip :| Hahaha...

Question 2

Ben: Something you regret and wished you haven't done/can take back.

My initial answer was actually absolutely nothing as everything that has happened, happened for a reason at that moment in time and all the things that has happened in our life has lead us to where we are now.

But then again I thought perhaps there is one thing I wish I could take back and I can't possible see how drastically my life course could've changed should I have not done it. And so I answered...

Me: When I was in high school, mum would wake me up in the mornings (around 6-ish) and not being a  morning person, sometimes I got really grumpy (whoops! Sorry mum). I suppose I wished I was less cranky then. Poor mum...

Question 3

A rather morbid question but fire away (no pun intended)!

Me: Would you rather die by burning or drowning?

Sheena: Drowning. I hear it's peaceful. 

*Yikes!*

Ben: Burning.

Me: Burning. I'm "hoping" the smoke will kill me first before anything else.

Question 4

Sheena: An embarrassing moment in the last year.

Nothing in the last year comes to mind but I did have an embarrassing moment in the last 2 years...January (or sometime February) 2009 to be exact.

Me: Early last year during the second semester of A-Levels, we had to go to a "leadership camp" (it was only for 1 weekend) and on our first day there we did the obstacle course activity. The boys all went first and my team was the first girl team to go. When we got to the Tarzan swing obstacle where you  have to swing yourself across using the rope that's suspended above a tank of dirty, murky, algae filled water (no way of knowing how deep the tank was-it's underground), none of the girls wanted to go first and so I heroically volunteered myself to be the first girl to go (I've done this before though it was ages ago-should be easy peasy anyways). Bearing in mind e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e was looking at me (boys having finished first and is know just lounging on the grass and all the girls waiting in line for us to go through), I grabbed the rope, and across I went! Only I didn't make it across having not held the rope securely enough and halfway through-*PLOOP!* In the disgustingly dirty water I went (I suppose I was lucky it only went up to my midsection). NO!!! So yeah-an embarrassing moment. Lesson learned behind this? Urmmm...think before you leap? Really, I should say think before you swing :D

Question 5

Me: Best childhood memory that really "pops out".

Me: Trip to LA Disneyland when I was 7. That one Definitely "pops out" :)

Question 6

Sheena: If you could invite 2 people (dead or alive) to a dinner party, who would it be and why?

If this question had been a little differently and went "2 historical events you'd like to see", 2 immediate ones pops in mind. Though now that they're people-based, I'll relate it to my historical events.

Me: The person who designed the Pyramids of Giza and the Stonehenge simply because I'm extremely curious to know how they did it! Scientists, engineers, archeologists, historians of the 21st century still can't figure it out. Amazing!

Question 7

Me: Song you'll play at your wedding reception when the bride and groom has their first dance. (Ben surprisingly commented that this was a good question)

Me: Though I've never given it much thought, (I suppose I'll have to give it a "proper" think when the day comes-maybe something from Billy Joel?) the first song that pops to mind is Sarah McLachlan's Angel though I'm not entirely sure the lyrics is a perfect fit for a joyous wedding day but one line does stands out, "You're in the arms of an angel, may you find some comfort here". I imagine my husband would be my angel, my greatest blessing :) Nevertheless, the melody is good and I've always sorta imagined dancing under the moonlight to this song, especially those moments when I'm listening to it late at night, alone somewhere...

Sheena's followup question to that was: Song you'll play during the walk in (to the alter).

General consensus was Pachelbel's Canon in D. Lovely song! I just might stick to that one-it gives one such an uplifting feeling when you're listening to it. I definitely can imagine myself walking down the aisle feeling beyond happy to this song :)

Question 8

Me: If there was a device that could show you the future, would you like to see what the future has in store?

Ben, Sheena: No.

Me: Yes, but only if it could be erased from my mind straight after. I am curious to see just for that moment in time, what the future really looks like but I wouldn't want to remember it for the rest of my life though-things could/would go wrong at some point should you try to alter even a tiny portion of it or you'd end up living your life based on what you saw. Seems wrong anyway.

Question 9

Ben: An extinct animal you'd like to bring back.

For the life of me, I couldn't think of a single extinct animal besides the dinosaur the moment he asked that (though I started to remember a few after). Tsk tsk. And though I was tempted to reply dinosaurs (seeing I couldn't remember any other ones-Sheena already took the Dodo bird because they're so cute), it got me thinking that if I bring back one species, it'd only be "fair" to bring back all of them which would include the T-Rex and I'm not entirely sure I'd want a one-on-one encounter with a T-Rex that's on a rampage. Plus, we humans will get all high and mighty anyway and probably caged them all off and that wouldn't be fair. They should be allowed to roam wherever they want (they are some mighty big creatures). I don't quite remember Jurassic Park ending very happily-then again I watched that one AGES ago when I was little. Maybe I only remember the "bad" bits like when one of them got gobbled. 

Me: Mammoth.

Ben: Why?

Me: Urmm...why not? :D

...and my memory of the game ends there. Should I (though I don't think so) remember questions 10-14 sometime in the next few days, I'll add on.

105 days of summer

I surprised myself that I didn't straight away jumped to write up a new blog post the moment final exams finished (like I thought I would) but it actually took me a few days to properly think of how to sum up an awesome semester! :)

And so, I have finally completed finals week of  first year, second semester (last paper on Saturday, 13th November) which also marks the end of the line of being a first year student! Truly an awesome moment on the day of the last exam when you know that the end of that paper (Organic Chemistry in my case) marks that you'll officially be a second year student and hence as sister so aptly put it, no longer a newbie. An amazing feeling that I got through the whole year and I'm still in one piece! Looking back now, I could say how I can't believe that time really does flies when I remember so clearly the first day I entered university way back in February. 

An interesting year definitely, first semester being nothing short of a whirlwind but thankfully second semester was much more manageable. Perhaps the saying "experience is the teacher of all things" (Julius Caesar) really does hold true! Knowing better what to expect from a day in a life of a university student, I was more prepared going into second semester and hence a better semester all around. Getting more involved in "uni life" (clubs, university events, etc) helps as well since only through them do you truly get the opportunity to meet with other students (the older ones especially) that are doing the same course as you are (handy when you've got a million things to ask :) OR even students who are not in the same course OR staff members OR just some random person (like during the UWA Open Day, got to meet with heaps of prospective students and members of the public). 

Top 10 highlights throughout semester 2:
(...is now contemplating if I should put them in order of "rank" or in order of dates. Hmm...rank it is! :)

1. Engineers Without Borders 2010 Challenge for the unit GENG1003: Introduction to Professional Engineering
[the whole semester]

I remember meeting someone in a lecture early last semester (a second year student who failed his first year math and had to repeat the unit) that told me about GENG1003 and implied that I should be dreading it (as everyone apparently does) because by the end of it you have to come up with a 20,000 words report. Being an absolute "newbie" then, that really threw me off (honestly scared me a bit), not knowing how 'dreadful' it might turn out to be plus it's a group work; which threw me off even more! Can't say there's been a point in my life that I've had a great experience working in a group. There's ALWAYS going to be just this one person that slacks off.

Because of that (more than anything else), going into second semester though maybe not a kill-me-now-dread, I was rather weary of what I should expect from the unit. By the end of the semester however, this turn out to be my number 1 highlight!

Sure, a 20000 words report on "providing a reliable and sustainable source of clean drinking water for the Kooma Nation in Bendee Downs" (a nation I've never even heard of till early this semester) sounds like a lot of words (it is really) but having an AWESOME group certainly did help (though by law of the universe, of course there was one that did slack but everyone else being SO great still made it a terrific unit!).
There were 6 of us in a group and more than anyone, Joshua Knight and Leopold Silberstein, to me, made all the difference. It certainly wouldn't have been the same without them. Truly an AMAZING feeling when we finally handed in our finished report. The sense of accomplishment!!! Best thing about the unit, I must say, is that it doesn't have a final exam!! A definite perk!

Group members from L-R: Leo, Josh, Deshnee, me, Adam, and Kevin

2. Adrian Dudek's Mathematics Honours Seminar
[27 October 2010 (Wed)]

Met Adrian (a mathematics honours student, 21 years old) late last semester when he started tutoring a group of us for MATH1020. He’s actually a 'study group leader' under UniSkills (yet another great feature in UWA) and though group leaders guidelines told them that they weren't meant to "tutor" us and instead let the study group be...well a study group where students meet and discuss the unit and the leaders’ role was only to “supervise” us, he did end up tutoring and did an amazing job at it! During 2nd semester, got the same (thankfully) study group leader for another first year math unit, MATH1010 and I definitely would not have been able to do the unit half as well if it wasn't for him.

Anyway, he sent me an invite (thank you!:) to attend his final honours presentation on the thesis he's been working on the whole year and watching him that day was...REMARKABLE! I can't really put it into words and I can't think of a fair enough equivalent to do it justice (perhaps watching Beethoven conducting a symphony would give you an inkling of what it felt like for me to watch him present that day). It truly was, if not THE BEST presentation I've seen in my life (and I'm not exaggerating), it certainly was one of the best presentations EVER! Amazing, amazing speaking skills and his passion for mathematics just oozes out and hooks you in! Perhaps what made it so remarkable to me (more than anything else) is that one wouldn't expect mathematics to be that interesting (and perhaps talking to the wrong person might even bore you to tears) but during Adrian's talk, even to a 'layman' (like me) what he presented (families of expander graphs) made sense and was very understandable. On top of that, he presented with such an amazing aura! I really can't properly describe it to do the experience justice but it inspired me to get hyped about my final project design presentation for GENG1003 that I was going to have 2 days later.

Ah, congratulations on getting the award for ‘Best Honours Speaker’ (by the UWA’s Mathematics Department) a few days later! Why am I not surprised? :D

3. CPEC and SPE of UWA quiz night
[6 October 2010 (Wed)]

This was a fun night! Being on the committee added to the excitement of organizing the event and finally seeing everything come together in the end. Coincidentally, that night also marked my 2nd time this year though my first "proper outing'" to UWA's tavern (Lol. I know how much students love it there! The first time I went was just to have a look of what the infamous tavern actually looks like).

The night was a joint collaboration between the Chemical & Process Engineering Club and the Society of Petroleum Engineers of UWA. There were 8, 10 questions rounds (movies, music, celebrities, sports, chemical engineering, petroleum engineering, geography, trivia), pizzas, soft drinks and beer (an 18+ event) served, final turnout of 13 tables with 8 people per table (not including organizers), a table for AMEC reps and UWA lecturers each (big surprise lecturer's table came out 1st? I think not! They did gracefully give their prize to the 2nd place winners though! ).

All in all, a successful night! Though at that time I posted up on facebook as it being my "most memorable day of first year", by the end of the semester, this ranked number 3. Still top 3 though!

L-R: Prash, me, Hatim, Tom, Raawi, Andrew and Jonathan

Things I learned from quiz night:

1. Capital of Bulgaria is Sofia

2. Timbuktu is in Mali

3. Octopus has 3 hearts

4. Daniel Radcliffe's (famous for his lead role in Harry Potter) middle name is Jacob

5. The third president from the left on Mount Rushmore is Theodore Roosevelt

...among other things:)

4. Australian University Games, Sports Assistant (Touch) 
[27 September – 1 October 2010 (the study break week)]

I remember getting an email earlier that month asking for volunteers and it immediately sparked my interest. Applied for it and got a reply letter on 20 September (super excited then!) saying I’ve been successfully selected to be a ‘sport assistant volunteer’ for touch sports at Langley Park (honestly didn’t even know what ‘touch sports’ meant then…turns out it was touch football. Not having played too much outdoor sports, didn’t even quite know what touch football was even after I found out!).

Though volunteering for AUG meant I’d missed out on doing what I was supposed to be doing during the study week (STUDY!) since the events goes on from 9 am till 5 pm though volunteers have to be there by 8 to prep up the competition area (when I came home I’m usually too knackered to get any studying done), I’m glad that I did it. It was an interesting experience definitely!

UniGames day 1

Things I learned today:

1.      There's a University of Sunshine Coast in Queensland (it sounds like such a cheery place! Hard to imagine being mopey in a place called ‘Sunshine Coast’)

2.     'Player Under Protest' DOES NOT mean someone is throwing a tantrum somewhere as I originally imagined (I actually turned and looked around if that were students holding up picket signs protesting against something). It just means they don't have their accreditation on them at the time of registration.

3.    How to play touch football (having done nothing much besides watching the game for the past 9 hours, surely I must've picked something up!)

UniGames day 5
Highlight of the week (definitely! :D). During half time of the last game for gold men's division (UNSW vs Monah University), a guy ran across the field...wait for it...completely naked! Yep. In full view of e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e. My first experience seeing a streaker at a live sporting event!

Touch football champion for women's AND men's division: UNSW (I think from here we can safely conclude that UNSW is good in touch)

The finals of men's division: UNSW vs Monah Univeristy

5. EWB UWA Chapter 2011 Committe Dinner 
[15 October 2010 (Fri)]

EWB UWA Chapter 2011 Committee

Another fun night out! It was especially great getting to meet with other EWB members and spend the night chilling, talking about our engineering units:D We had the dinner at Annalakshmi which is an Indian restaurant that’s charity based so you pay as much as you like for a meal. Seeing that they serve it buffet style and the food is good (!!!), I’d definitely put in a good word out for that place.

After dinner, went for bubbletea with Daniel, Ben, and Jason. It was great getting to walk around the city at night, sipping our bbt, and people watch. Plus it was a break from studying which is always such a joy!

6. UWA Open Day 
[15 August 2010 (Sun)]

Volunteered for both EWB booth and as a UWAYE (UWA Young Engineers) tour guide (gave tours around the engineering buildings that had all these amazing activities on based on their respective fields; Chemical Engineering, Civil Engineering, etc).

At EWB's booth with Sheena, Daniel, and Hatim

I think the one thing that struck me as this day being totally awesome was that for the first time in my life I was actually on “the other side”. Before this, it was always me that was attending all sorts of open days, deciding on which university I was going to but today I finally got to be the one that was doing the explaining (as opposed to being the one getting the explanations) to the prospective students and their parents all about UWA and giving some insights on life as an engineering student. Whoa!

UWA's Civil and Mechanical Engineering building

7. UniSkills End of Year Lunch 
[26 October 2010 (Tue)]

Loved today simply because it was the first time I got to have a proper chat with Adrian outside of our study group and it's so fascinating talking to him. I’ve never met anyone that I found so interesting to talk to! That made this the most memorable UniSkills event I went to this whole year-hands down!!! :)

8. Spring feast at UWA in conjunction with Multicultural Week 
[7 October 2010 (Thu)]

I liked it because it’s not every day that you get things going on in uni that resembles a joyous, festival like atmosphere (started at 6 pm and ended at 10 pm). There were loads of foods in a diverse range-Japanese, Indian, Chinese, Malaysian, Middle Eastern (among others). Everything looked so tempting that I ended up stuffing myself with food (oh! So full!!!) Also experienced my first human traffic in UWA! (literally couldn’t turn without accidentally hitting someone-it was that packed!).

9. Carlos’ house 
[6 August 2010 (Fri)]

Today was actually the first time (don’t be shocked) that I got to try out playing Wii. I got super excited to play around with the controls (don’t laugh). He had Super Mario in his Wii at that time so that'll go down in my life's history as the first ever Wii game that I played (though only if you count *Game Over* after a minute as a "proper" play-you'll see why). Unless Mario on a daily basis feels suicidal, I don’t think the character appreciated it too much that I made him walk off the edge every single time (hey, in my defense the controls really does take some getting used to!). Carlos then decided Super Mario was “too advanced” for me that he degraded my game to the "basic starter pack". Hahaha!!! It was still very fun to play with. Played things like ice hockey and shooting down freebies. What I remember most about that night perhaps is haven't had laughed as hard as that night (I couldn't stopped!) in months...and all because of Wii :D

10. Being VERY sick the week before final exams 
[29 October – 7 November 2010]

Though this is definitely not exactly what I would call a “highlight” but it's something that I'll always remember-being sick on the week before first year finals. I was only very sick for the first 3 days (I thought I was going to die! Jeez…Dramatic much?!) and though it got better after that, I still had (and is still having it now) my cough right throughout exams *cough cough*.

I don’t know how it actually happened. The morning on the last day of uni before study week (Firday, 29 October) I was feeling perfectly fine (did my GENG1003 final project design presentation that evening with perfect poise and grace even! :D). Then, uni ended (everyone cheered), went back  home, and *BAM!* High fever, sore throat, whole body sore, terrible headache and all I could think was, “Oh no! I WANT TO STUDY!!!” Gah! Sucks getting sick so close to exams. 3 whole days “wasted” by being "bed-ridden" but I came through alright in the end. Lucky me:)

I should take this opportunity to thank:

1.  my sister - for taking such good care of me throughout the whole time I was sick, giving me all my medications (a definite perk of having a pharmacist in the house-saves a trip to the doctors!), making me soup, and above all else, being so patient with me when you had your exams to prepare for as well

2.   mum and dad - for showing genuine concern (calling, texting, asking how I was everyday) even though you’re 2000 miles away

3.  Adrian - also for showing genuine concern and offering to push back our last study group till I got better and subsequently after that giving me a lift home after the study group so that I wouldn't have to trudge in a 45 minutes bus ride back home:)

4.    everyone on fb that left me get well wishes! It was truly something to finally get out of bed, fire up fb, and see a million (well, not a million:D) notifications:)

A whole semester summed up in one blog post.

An awesome semester indeed! And after today I have 103 days of summer to look forward to and I must say, so far (between Saturday and today) it’s been an absolute blast!

This summer is going to be legen-wait for it-dary! LEGENDARY!

Selena's Dreaming of You

An all time favorite.

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I'd wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too

Cuz I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you even see me
And I wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes
Would you see what's inside?
Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close
But so far, all I have are dreams of you
So, I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you (Yes, I do)

I'll be dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me

Ahhh...I can't stop dreaming of you
Ahhh...I can't stop dreamin

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe that you came up to me
And said, "I love you; I love you too"

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
Till tomorrow, and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming with you endlessly...

Silence

Why the lOng siLence?

SImply put: 1st year, 2nd semester final exams in 11 days.

8 November (Mon) - MATE1412: Materials Engineering

10 November (Wed) - MATH1010: Calculus and Linear Algebra

13 November (Sat) - CHEM1102: Organic Chemistry

'Nuff said! :D

Final paper will also officially mark the last day as a first year student! Exciting, exciting.

Will update blog as soon as exam finishes.

Btw, oliVEs explained (last impRession shouldn't be a bitter one).. [relevance of "olives and motions" in some ways relates to Marshall and Lily's (from HIMYM) olive theory-only I've added my perspective to that obviously]

Just the whole notion of going through the motions when you see so many 'failed motions' is a daunting thought. Maybe it'll work out in the end. Maybe it won't. That's life, hey. Take it in a stride I suppose. Maybe it won't be so bad after all :) *hopefully that's not just wishful thinking talking :S*

Olives

Thinking about olives used to make me freakishly SAD (I reckon only sister will get this joke). Now, it just makes me sad. Haih. Think I'll go get myself a jar from Coles on the way back from uni later...at least they're still yummy. MLIR

The discarded girl and happy endings

You know those movies you watch/books you read that has the plot of a couple where the girl is very smitten with the guy and though the guy doesn't feel as strongly for her, still they're together and she goes out of her way to please the guy in more ways than you can imagine hoping one day he'll love her back and then out of the blue, an 'odd, eccentric' girl comes along (not into the guy at all) and for some reason they guy falls in love with this new girl?

Surely you must know what I'm talking about.

And oddly enough, thinking back at all the movies/tv shows/books that had this plot, the second eccentric girl is ALWAYS portrayed as the 'right' girl for the ALWAYS portrayed dashing, 'perfect' guy and how you just know it's a meant-to-be match and surely they must end up together in the end because you just don't mess with fate and surprise, surprise-they do! Somewhere in the middle, the first smitten girl (ALWAYS portrayed as somewhat pathetic, sometimes even bitchy and you wonder why she doesn't get a life) fades away or if not towards the end she gets 'discarded' and I can't say I've ever really given a second thought on the 'discarded' girl when the story so strongly centers around this new girl and how they guy relentlessly pursues her.

Not till last night had I've ever given any proper thought to the poor discarded girl (who's to say she's even remotely pathetic or bitchy anyway?) and how she's practically devoted her life to him (as pathetic as that sounds, you'd be surprise with what love can do to your head). Despite knowing she's being a stubborn fool for someone that clearly doesn't give her a second thought, she still goes out of her way to please him. Look what happens in the end. Poor, poor girl. Was all that for nothing? How cruel of life.

Now I wonder what ever happened to her. How unfair for a story to always be told in a way to shine on the happy ending. Almost always no one gives this discarded girl a second thought, having a rush of affection for the writer to pair up the 'right' couple together in the end. For once I'd like to hear the side of the first girl. How terribly painful it must've felt AND (for lack of a better phrase) her road to recovery (hoping she does recover from it, that is).

How cruel of life to make love so bloody difficult.

How cruel of life to make relationships so bloody complicated.

How cruel of life to make feelings so vulnerable and to ever let people put their hearts on the line only to have it ripped.

Is it worth it though? I'm only 19 but maybe because I am 19 I'm seeing things more clearly now. Like how I've always had this fairy tale ending fantasy in my head , thinking everything would end up being as easy as breathing only to discover I don't think there's anything harder you'll face in your life (I'm not kidding!) than finding your other half. What guarantee do you have that he's out there anyway? None! Only books and faceless people reassuring you that he is. What do these people know? So easy to say but doing is always, ALWAYS another thing altogether.

And say you do meet your other half. How do you know this is 'the right' other half? So, you go through all the motions of going out 'casually' (I'm beginning to distaste that word-it's becoming way too overrated for my liking-not that I'm trying to sound bitter or anything), becoming a couple (apparently 'boyfriend-girlfriend' is a tag some would rather do without. Good grace, it doesn't always have to be all that terrible), get engaged, and finally get married. 

Then what? If you're one of the lucky 50% of the statistics that gets a long, happy marriage then that's great! I honestly dare say I envy you. If only everyone is as lucky the world would be a much happier place.

What if you're part of the other 50% whose marriages end in divorce? Such a depressing thought for a romantic like me.  It's depressing mainly because now I start to think (when I've never before this) that you might've vowed to love your (let say for the sake of argument) husband  (or your wife) forever but just like that one day he tells you he doesn't love you anymore, sometimes right out of the blue since he's been harboring his feeling all this while. And there you are shattered, thinking of all the times you thought things were great but only now you think it's all pretend and you feel like the biggest fool knowing all this while everything you do was for someone that was feeling next to nothing for you. What's real anymore? You can't be sure. 

How about people that have affairs when they're married? Isn't having a spouse not good enough anymore? Why, WHY?!

Past few months alone I've seen and thought of all the oh so many things that could go wrong. They're nothing short of sad thoughts.

Will there ever be a happy ending? Don't go telling me there will be because unless you've got a mystical future telling device and you'll know for sure everything is going to be fine, you know squat just like the rest of us so telling someone there will be a happy ending when you really don't know will just be another lie you tell in your lifetime. I know those words are only meant to be kind and helpful, but after a while, you just might start to think that it sorta stops being true. Of course everyone hopes life sorts itself out/karma will grant you your share/the circle will end up in a nice loop. But then again, what if it doesn't?