Because I choose to

Matrix Revolutions:

Agent Smith: Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson. You must know it by now. You can't win. It's pointless to keep fighting. Why, Mr. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?

Neo: Because I choose to.

Aging

Almost everyone's obsessed with aging nowadays. That's probably why you see lots of different situations where people lie about their age and even more anti-aging products and advertisements then you can possibly count.

Even Bella Swan (Twilight), a fictional character worries and frets constantly about aging (but that's only probably because she's dating a 17 year old vampire that never ages).

I've never really given much thought about aging (why should I, really? I'm still in my teens) until very recently when a remarkable (or not) line of thoughts came to me...

Ages ago, when I was just a tiny, little thing (7 to be exact), everyone seems older than I did. Britney and Christina was just launching themselves into international stardom with Opps, I Did It Again and Genie In A Bottle, respectively (they were 17 and 18), Bill Clinton was still the President of the United States...

Fast forward to 2005: I was 14 and Jojo was hitting the music scene with a bang with her song Leave (Get Out). Jojo was 15 (only a year older than I was but still, then everyone was older).

2006: I was 15 and Miley Cyrus just started out Hannah Montana.

May 2009: I am 18 and Hannah Montana: The Movie just came out. By now Miley has become a superstar and all the kids love her. She's 17. Suddenly I'm the older one.

November 2009: I am still 18 and last night I went out with 3 of my high school friends (all 19). We watched New Moon. Taylor Lautner is really becoming a huge hit among the teenage girls who are all about Team Jacob (the solid 6 packs he developed for the film probably's the main reason he's got everyone swooning). He's 17. Suddenly everyone's becoming the younger ones!

One of the 3 friends I went out with last night will be turning 20 in a month plus time (on 29th Jan 2010). It hit us that she'll no longer be in the teen years but in the ty years! (ty as in twenty) and soon all of us will follow suit. Oh dear oh my! No wonder people are obsessing about age though I'm probably still too young to be fretting over this but before I know it I'll turn 20, 25, 30, 50, 100 (if I live that long)!!! Numbers, numbers, numbers!

At the end of this post, I'm still 18. Just a few minutes older than when I first started typing. Really, I (we) really shouldn't be stressing out (just yet). Give it a few more years *winks!

Notable Quotes from President Barack Obama

Take a look at some of the icon's inspirational thoughts:

1. "Faith is not just something you have, it's something you do."

2. "If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress."

3. "You can't let your failures define you - you have to let your failures teach you."

4. " If we aren't willing to pay a price for our values, then we should ask ourselves whether we truly believe in them all."

5. "We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."

There is no such thing as 'studying too much'

I consider myself to be very hardworking (and apparently so does everyone around me). Mind you, it's not easy having to study all the time. Unlike some of those few fortunate beings, I'm not one of the more lucky ones to be blessed with say, a photographic memory...or with the talent of immediately grasping everything that is being thought the second the knowledge is being delivered...nor am I one of those people who can miraculously answer the exam questions effortlessly and precisely without studying beforehand (I do have friends like these....bless their souls!). And hence, with all that said, I HAVE TO be hardworking. I HAVE TO constantly study. I HAVE TO take steps in order to know everything that is required and to achieve my absolute best.

But like I said, it's a very tiring chore. Sure, I enjoy gaining knowledge, learning things I never knew before but when the dark side comes calling it's hard to resist.

Take first semester incident for instance. People say I study too much, I work too much, should relax more...called me a study machine...After a while things like that gets to your head, y'know? I resented that and after some time I did relax...a bit too much and look where it got me! 3 B's for finals! That's TERRIBLE! Everyone else faired about the same but that's besides the point. Not an A is not an option!And so I (wisely) reverted back to my old hardworking self.

Look, I'm not trying to put anyone down. I'm just putting this up because I have this to say:

1. NEVER, EVER let anyone cloud your judgement. NEVER, EVER let anyone influence you to the 'dark side'. Do what you know it's right and stand for what you believe in, even when the world is against you.

2. To achieve, it takes a lot of hard work. A's in exams don't come easy. They take effort. You will often feel that the workload is overwhelming and you will feel like quitting. DON'T! Continue on!

3. Don't try to put down other people regardless you're an A student or not. If you think they're studying too much, it's probably because you're studying too little! Even if that's not the case and you're studying enough to get yourself an A, respect the fact that some people just need to study a little more to achieve that A. Don't make them feel inferior just because it took them 5 tries to remember a single, simple fact when it only took you 1.

4. If number 3 does not apply to you, i.e. you think you are studying just as much as the person next to you but somehow managing just a strings of B's instead of your dreamed A's, perhaps it's time to rethink your studying method.

The analogy of a donkey could be applied here (got this from my dad...not that I'm calling anyone a donkey):

Work hard people say. Remember though, a donkey works very hard but at the end of the day, the donkey remains a donkey. Instead choose to work smartly. Work hard and work smart! They go hand in hand.

5. Don't be envious when people achieve more than you do. Take that as a challenge and rise up to it. If you see others around you getting straight A's and you're getting straight C's, instead of wasting your time blaming the world, cursing the teachers, damning god, take the time to mirror yourself and start doing what you know you should be doing...

GO STUDY and MIND YOUR OWN GOD DAMN BUSINESS!

BUTT OUT OF MINE!

There's no such thing as, studying too much. We are after all on a journey to INFINITE KNOWLEDGE.

Damn those who dare come in your way. Let nothing stop you.

Strive on even when your hardest hit. Even when things go wrong, you must NEVER QUIT!

Of course, talk is always easy. Doing is another thing all together. Still, have faith

AND

The calm before the thunder, The calm before the final battle

Ever heard of the saying, "The calm before the storm?" Well I'm changing it a bit to "The calm before the thunder." Check this:

19 October 2009 (Mon), 11.59.58 p.m: I just saw the lightning outside my window and for a moment everything goes still and there's a certain calmness in the air. You know the thunder's coming but not just yet...and true enough...

20 October 2009 (Tue), 12.00.01 midnight: The thunder comes, loud and fierce you can almost feel the Earth shake with fear. The sound vibrates all around you. It lasts for 5, maybe 6 seconds and before you know it, it's all over.

.

.

.

19 October 2009 (Mon), 11.59 p.m: In less than a minute, it'll officially be the day that my A2 battle starts. Lightning stroked and now I'm experiencing the calm before the thunder...the calm before the final battle begins (Remember the scene in LOTR: The Return of the King during the final epic battle between mankind and those hideous creature from Middle Earth? After Aragorn gave his final battle speech, knowing they were outnumbered, say 10000 to 1?, he turns toward the enemy, sword raised, battle cry out of his mouth and just for a fraction of a second,there's total silence and then...just as quickly as it came, sound erupts from the screen, enemies clashes into one another and the battle begins).

.

.

.

Real thunder lasts for about, say, 5 seconds?

My 'thunder' lasted 5 weeks!

.

.

.

20 October 2009 (Tue): Chemistry 3 (Advanced Practical Skills 2 Paper 32). 11.30-1.30 p.m. at Chemistry Lab 2 (this was the only exam paper held in the lab; all the rest was held in Lecture Theatre 4, LT4)

21 Oct 09 (Wed): Mechanics 1 (Mathematics Paper 42). 2.30-3.45 p.m.

28 Oct 09 (Wed): Pure Mathematics 3 (Mathematics Paper 32). 2.30-4.15 p.m.

4 Nov 09 (Wed): Chemistry 2 (AS Structured Questions Paper 22). 2-3.15 p.m.

4 Nov 09 (Wed): Chemistry 5 (Planning Analysis and Evaluation Paper 52). 3.45-5 p.m.

9 Nov 09 (Mon): Physics 4 (A2 Structured Questions Paper 42). 2.30-4.15 p.m.

11 Nov 09 (Wed): Chemistry 4 (A2 Structured Questions Paper 42). 8.30-10.15 a.m.

16 Nov 09 (Mon): Physics 5 (Planning Analysis and Evaluation Paper 52). 10.30-11.45 a.m.

And FINALLY...

20 Nov 09 (Fri): Chemistry 1 (Multiple Choice Paper 12). 8.30-9.30 a.m.

It was a long and hard journey but before you know it, it's over. My final paper also marked the end of my A-Level journey. It's finally over, done, the past. Now all I have to do is wait for the results due on 25th January 2010, wait for the future.

It was a long, scary thunder but I lasted through the fearsome thunder!

Right on!

“How was your day today?”

When I was in high school, it was mum’s ‘job’ to ferry me to and from school everyday except on those rare occasions when something came up and dad would do it (actually mum dropped and picked me up from school for as far as I can remember but this story’s revolves around my high school days). So, for that 5 years (from Year 7 to Year 11), everyday after school mum would be there, patiently waiting. There were hardly days when I had to wait for her. As soon as I came out of school, I’d spot mum’s car, hopped in, and we’d begin our 15 minutes journey home.
And everyday, the moment I stepped into the car, mum would ask, “How was your day today?” She would ask me every single day that I knew to expect it. Some days when I just had a really bad day and was feeling awfully tired and narky, I would dread the thought of answering to “How was your day today?” when all I wanted was some ‘me time’ (can you imagine…dread?! How ungrateful!). But other days, when something exciting or funny or even something out of the normal routine happened, it filled me with joy thinking I could tell mum all about it when school ended so that I could relive the exciting moment just by telling someone else about it. Or on the days when I was feeling sad or I got into a fight with a friend, it brought comfort knowing I could tell mum all about it later. Amazing thing is mum never got tired of hearing my stories and was ever so patient even on my bad days. I do reckon I must have hurt her feelings on the days I wasn’t very responsive and for that I truly am sorry.
Fast forward to the day I entered college…
This would be the first time I lived away from home, having attended daily school all my life. In college, for the first 2 semesters, I had 2 roommates who were all in different classes and for the 3rd semester when our room got reshuffled, I ended up getting 2 new roommates who were my classmates. Everyday after class ended, I would walk back to my room and was greeted by emptiness. Nobody ever asked, “How was your day today?” and that was when I realized how precious those 5 simple words were and I could truly appreciate all the times mum was there to ask me that simple question. My first 2 roommates said that people rarely ask them that and so they never really thought of asking it to anyone else (fact for that matter is, I suppose no one could care less on your daily happenings). And my last 2 roommates? Well, we were all in the same class after all. We practically see each other 24/7 so they’d usually know about everything that had happened during the day.
I miss those times when mum was right there beside me and I could tell her everything face-to-face, on the spot. Though she’s not right here beside me now, she’s only a phone call away and if I were to pick up the phone right now and give her a call, it brings a smile to my face just knowing that when she picks up she’ll say, “Bunny! How was your day today?”
I truly treasure those words. I wonder if I’ve ever told you how much they mean to me and I wonder if over the years I’ve in return ask you the same question enough times to make a difference or have I’ve always just thought on how the world revolves around me and hardly ever ask you back.
Mum, words alone cannot express on how much it means to me and what a difference it has made for you to ask that simple question. For now, I can only say, “Thank you, mum and I love you so much!!!”

My lovely mum

Mum and her 2 daughters

The difficulty of giving up

Often, the feeling of giving up overwhelms us and sometimes I can't help but think it's so easy to give up. Just put down the pen and walk away because to succeed it takes a lot of effort and effort means hard work and hard work is difficult.

Tongo Field Diamond Miners

But interestingly enough, as difficult as it may seem to succeed, realise that it is more difficult to give up and fail without effort. And it is that realisation that makes us strive harder.

Realise that when you fail and you know you've done nothing within your capability to avoid that failure...it truly is the end of the line. No turning back.

So, even when you want to give up, don't! DON'T QUIT! Have the determination, work hard, and NEVER GIVE UP!

My dad told me a about a cache called Hard Times in Australia and the story behind the cache is about the hardship of the pioneers and the difficult times they went through but they endured and because of their endurance, Australia is what it is today. ENDURE!

A few years back my sister bought for me a poster with this poem on it. I've loved it ever since! I'd like to share it with the world:

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest, if you must

But don't you quit.

Success is failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar,

So, stick to the flight when your hardest hit

It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit!

It's Do or Die

What do you do when you've given your best but your best is still not enough? When you've fought with all you had but still lost the fight? When you've died fighting but still willed on to live? When you've given it your all till you've nothing left but the war still rages on and you're stuck in the middle. You're holding your loaded guns but you can't aim properly anymore. That's when the light seems dim and the world goes dark but you're still groping your way through. When hope seems bleak, you battle on. Not because you want to but only because YOU HAVE TO. THERE IS NO CHOICE. At times like these...You do or you die.

The A-level battle continues...full speed...merciless...I've lost this fight. I've lost this battle. I've lost this round. But I WON'T lose the war! 15! And may the spirit never waver!

The cursed 14 instead of the 'magic' 15

Feels like I haven't written in here ages!!! But it really wasn't that long ago. So much has happened since...so many things I've wanted to write but never had the time. Biggest news I suppose is my great failure of 14 points during my Advanced Subsidiary Examinations. Got an A for Physics and Mathematics but a B for Chemistry. Don't think I took it too well. Had half the college and most of the lecturers encouraging me to move forward with my head held high and get my spirit soaring again. But I really didn't feel like moving at all, let alone forward. (I want to take this opportunity to say, "Thank you, Lynn for buying me food when I was not eating and feeling helplessly useless and unmotivated and for spiriting me on!") Only after talking to my greatest inspiration my spirit came back and here I am fighting on...full blast! Thank you, dad, my number 1 motivator and greatest inspiration!

Thank you also to every single one who help me make it through when hope seems bleak:

1. mum, for always having faith in me and always encouraging me on

2. my roommates, who bared with me when I was like a black hole; lifeless, turning our room into a miserable vibe (or maybe just anything within 3 feet radius...I wasn't really that big of a black hole, was I?), and radiating bad karma all around

3. lecturers, who watched after me like a hawk every single day and pep talked me with endless encouraging words till I got better

4. friends, who never tire of asking how I was doing and showing genuine and sincere concern even when you have your own things to worry about

I am now content with my 14, knowing that even though I wasn't good enough during my AS Chemistry, having earned that B, like my dad said, perhaps it was a blessing in disguise in some ways. I wasn't good enough and had I gotten an A, I would've deliriously thought that perhaps I really have mastered the subject.

Working SO hard and giving it everything I had and I still got a B. That's what discourages me the most. If I've already given everything I had, how do I move on? Whatever it is...the battle continues!

Short lived holiday

Good news: Advanced Subsidiary Examinations over and done! Had my last paper on the 10th of June (Wed), Chemistry Paper 1. It wasn't too bad, not as terrible as the Paper 2! Overall AS wasn't as dire as I originally thought it would be. 15 points? 15 POINTS!!! Results will be out on the 10th of August, in exactly 2 months. Wish me luck!

Bad news: After coming back from a 3 days, 2 nights not-very-interesting-camp (made compulsory to attend by the college) 2 days after I finished my AS exams, I ONLY have 4 days of holidays left. SIGH.

Good news: My sister is coming back home tomorrow!

Bad news: I barely get to spend 2 whole days with her due to the fact I have to be back in college by Monday morning ready to report in for class. SIGH.

Good news: Naw...I'm out of good news.

Bad news: *Refer to last good news

Cheerio!